It has been an interesting week! My sister, and I, just took a car FULL of stuff to my son. (That is a whole different story - maybe next time.) This drive meant we were traveling for two days each way. We have discovered we don't "do" 14 hour drives very well anymore!! It also reminded of the times Dad and I traveled - a couple of times for a visit with my son.
Traveling, with Dad, caused a few interesting difficulties. For a while he could help with the driving but, toward the end, he was the navigator because he usually knew where we were going. The real issues were working with the cane (or walker) and restroom doors. They can be heavy but add in at least a cane and Dad couldn't always open them. Then I would be opening the door for him, wait at the door until he came back and "knocked" at which point I would open the door again. IF we were lucky enough for a "family" restroom it was a LOT easier. There were also a couple of times when I wanted to stop one of the gentlemen going in and ask for them to see if a "white haired gentleman" had fallen. An interesting side note.... I was primary care giver for our Dad (different restrooms) but I have also spoken with Caregivers traveling with the "same sex" parent - daughters with mothers, sons with fathers - and many of the same difficulties arise. So many interesting traveling stories..... almost all of which include laughing before you start screaming (or crying!)!!
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The memories, as I have been visiting with people, of the difficulty of hearing - let alone listening to what others are saying - have gotten stronger. We all had some wonderful memories of people talking when you weren't even in the room, or were walking away, but "they" thought you still heard them. Then there are the times you hear someone talking but not what they are saying. AND the times when we are all speaking English but with totally different definitions (or ideas) of what we are talking about -- like batting (quilting) vs. batting (baseball).
It also reminded me of all the times Dad would be reading...... He probably learned how to do it when we are a LOT younger (growing up) because of how many kids could be running around at any given time period. I can tell you he would be so concentrated on his book (later years kindle) you could be jumping up and down in front of him and he wouldn't notice. He wouldn't hear you or pay ANY attention to you until you got his attention. Good luck with that! Like I say.... he probably learned it when he had to be studying but had kids running around him, babies crying, and other things happening in the house. I understand why, and when, I just never learned how to focus that strongly. I did learn to put my hands between him and what he was reading. Then he had to look at me and see I was trying to get his attention. Yup, you have to laugh or you will start screaming! I was having a wonderful visit with some friends this week. We were talking about how much they loved their "lift chair." It IS very helpful when a person has difficulty standing up - especially after sitting for any length of time. The chair "rises" so they are in a standing position for both getting out of the chair and sitting down in the chair. It also reclines to a very comfortable position with the feet elevated.
I shared the story, with them, of Dad's lift chair. He loved the chair and, like I said, it was very helpful for him. Please remember Dad was VERY smart but he must have missed "common sense." This particular time was when we had a VERY BAD storm happening. He was sitting in his chair, with his feet up when the power went off. About a 1/2 hour later the power came back on. He got up, went to the bathroom, got a snack from the kitchen and went back to HIS chair sat down and put his feet up. You guessed it. The power went off again - this time for several hours. He could have used my recliner but instead was "stuck" in his until we finally figure out a way to get him out. Thankfully no one was around to get pictures! Like I have said....you have to laugh or you will start screaming! (Follow up note - my sister found him a lift chair with battery back up!) When the schedules get crazy, have been "hectic" for quite a while, unexpected phone calls and changes happen all of us can think about running away - right? Sometime is seems like the best idea to "just" runaway. If you think about it - it might even be the best idea yet. Especially if the "runaway" time is a short time not a permanent time.
Dad and I would frequently runaway - especially on Fridays (supposed to be my day off!) so that I could get away. Dad and I both loved history so sometimes it was to an historical site. Sometimes it was for a "whole day" but sometimes it was only for an afternoon. Sometimes it involved friends, food and fellowship. Sometimes it was only us, travel and history. The tricky part could come when Dad would decide to "sit and wait" for me to go see something or walk a trail. There were several times he promised he would "wait right here" for me. You guessed it. He wasn't where he said he would be. Sometimes he was easy to find but sometimes I would want to stand there and yell, like a little kid, DAD!! Times when you have to laugh or you will start screaming! Do you have a particular storyteller in your family? Are you the storyteller? Are the stories "history" or just fun stories? A couple of interesting things have been talked about this week - which is why I am thinking of these questions. First off a program I was listening to reminded listeners that Jesus told "stories" (parables) to make his point(s). Those stories (parables) are still important today and we should be paying attention to them.
Then...this morning, on the radio, they were talking about it being "National Story Day." Which got me thinking about all the stories we have heard over the years. It also got me thinking about continuing those stories -- or at least remembering the person who told the stories! I can remember Dad telling long, drawn out stories of exploring the desert. It could be a VERY interesting story! When he finally started talking about "finding" an oasis... one of us would figure out we had forgotten to get Dad his glass of ice water with the meal. Dad could also come up with stories as we were traveling, waiting or just "because." So.... are you the storyteller? Are you sharing the stories? Are they stories so you can laugh instead of scream? I believe the song is "Thanks for the Memories"....... Bob Hope singing it at the close of his various specials, shows and performances........ It is something I've been thinking about this week as we are away, on vacation, in a place we have come to many times over the years. The interesting thing about "memories," though, is the changes that can happen with locations and (maybe) even the people we are seeing.
It has also been an interesting mix of being able to spend a couple of days with a special friend vs a couple of hours with a different friend. We have said several times, this trip, it isn't the length of time but the quality of time. It has also been an interesting mix of seeing friends still very active to some who are less active to some we are thinking might shouldn't be driving any more. We have shared stories of our trip (last fall) and of going through similar changes with friends and family. Time will definitely cause changes in ALL of us. Then there are the changes in "where things are." My sense of direction is NOT good. I can remember something was "close" to something else but with city traffic, and road construction, it can be very "relative" how close something is. (Of course we have been able to find the fabric, yarn and ice cream - the important ones!) AND, as with the changes in friends, some of the businesses have relocated, changed hours or completely closed. Thankfully we can be VERY thankful(!) to be able to spend time with the "memories".... we can laugh and not start screaming! RAIN!! We are finally getting some rain! We didn't get very much snow, at least where I am, this year and we really need the rain. The problem is we are also getting a lot of wind with the rain. This can make getting outside, with "just" yourself, an interesting problem to fix. Just one person can have a raincoat or, if it isn't TOO windy, an umbrella.
This does NOT work if you are trying to take care of your "person" - especially if said person is using a cane or a walker. Or, as in the case of a toddler, in a stroller or being carried. I learned early, while my son was a toddler, that diaper bag, knitting bag, purse AND toddler required some adjustments. Then, when I was trying to keep Dad at least "only" damp, instead of soaking wet, I discovered the same idea would work. With the toddler, diaper bag, purse and (most of the time) knitting bag it worked best if I had on a poncho that would go over most - if not all - of what I was carrying. With Dad it was a total accident. We were on a cruise and the ship handed out ponchos, because of the rain, and it worked so well with the walker we just kept up the idea. Dad, poncho, and walker could go at his pace and still be relatively dry when we got to the door. If it was a short distance I would have the poncho and hold the umbrella for him - still keeping him dry. (AND the poncho kept the purse and the knitting bag dry!) Of course........with how windy it is today.......... good luck! I'm not sure anything will help...... I have been blessed with a new prayer group. So far we "only meet monthly" but it is a wonderful group of fellow clergy women. It is actually a second group, to meet with, which gives at least two opportunities a month to be in prayer with others. When our schedules are as hectic as they are around holidays it is good to have people to be in prayer with. QUIET time, with God, in prayer is needed - however - daily as well. I find the time in my sewing room, able to s-t-o-p to be in prayer and listen for what God is saying to me.
I was blessed in another way..... Dad always understood my need to get to QUIET with God's Word, my praise music and my needlework. He would let me have those times whenever I needed to take them -- busy schedules, unexpected change in said schedule, unexpected phone calls or crazy weather playing havoc with said schedules. After driving in white out, snow and bad roads I NEEDED to have QUIET with my prayer shawl wrapped around me. Dad understood completely. However.... If I was sitting in my chair, usually next to him, with the TV going (even though I was paying NO attention to the TV) I was "fair game" to be interrupted. He would help with the counting, ask questions in the middle of the row or in any way possible 'mess up' what I was trying to do. Like I say.... you have to laugh or you will start screaming! Something to think about........ I recently saw a post on Facebook saying everyone needs a friend they shouldn't "sit next to" at a "serious" function. I totally agree! Someone who laughs with you at the strange things happening is always a good friend to have! I do have a few friends who would agree with me it can be hard to keep from laughing... or maybe even keeping a straight face.
The one that caused the biggest problem however was Dad. Right up until the very end Dad could get me into trouble when we were supposed to be serious. He would whisper a comment, make a wise crack or do any of a number of other things that would start us both giggling. I can distinctly remember Mom threatening to separate us on several occasions. She never did... but she probably should have! The problem was Dad, a retired Episcopal priest, would be wearing his clerical color - especially for "formal, serious" meetings or services. NO ONE ever thought he was the one who started it! Of course that meant they all thought I was the one who started it!!! Like I say.... you have to laugh or you will start screaming! Remember those times....laugh again.... something to think about..... How are you at waiting? How long does it take before you are checking your watch every minute or so? Can you sit still while you are waiting? I know with today's phones it is easy to find SOMETHING to do while you wait - is that how you do it?
I was recently at a family gathering with a lot of people I didn't know but who knew our family. It was a long time of sitting, and waiting, for the next thing (lunch) on the agenda. I had brought my knitting, which is how I sit still, so I could people watch (a favorite waiting activity). There were two young people in the group - one seven and one in their early teens. They both found it VERY interesting that an "adult" couldn't sit still. It was kind of fun to watch their reactions. I would take my knitting when I had to wait with Dad too. No matter which doctor we were at it was usually "hurry up and wait." Sometimes it could be a l-o-n-g wait. It was a lot easier to have my knitting, and maybe a book to read, as we sat waiting for our turn. Another "trick" I used was to go park the car, then come find him. It took a while to figure out how to do that since most of his appointments were at the VA. Another interesting happening..... Walking into the waiting area and saying "Dad" got every man in the room to turn and look at me! Like I have said... you either laugh or you start screaming! |
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