The music memory this morning, "Sweet Hour of Prayer," got me also thinking of the various kinds of music each of us likes and use. For instance I have praise music going pretty much all day every day. At lease I do now. When Dad was still with me I had the praise music playing in the background of the office and my sewing room. I usually had the clock radio set to the Christian radio station so I woke up to praise music. The thing is.... my family, even Dad, doesn't like the praise music. So when people are visiting there is no music playing.
Dad liked classical, Gregorian chants, traditional hymns and Taize. Thankfully he is the one that found me the Christian radio station when I moved to be his primary care giver. I still listen to the same station - just "on line" instead of the clock radio. I did ask Dad, one time, what it was he didn't like about the praise music. He told me "it is too repetitive." The songs tend to "repeat" the chorus, at least for Dad, too many times. Now remember I said his favorite was Gregorian chants and Taize....... which ARE repetitive. Sometime you do have to laugh or you will start screaming!
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It is wonderful to actually get some "free" time. Sometimes it is scheduled free time and sometimes it just happens. What we do with said free time also varies -- sometimes it is to catch up on the various things that have been neglected because of time constraints. Sometimes it is to try and learn something new.
I have been trying to do a little of both with the "winter weather," stay inside, warm and safe, days lately. I have finished a few projects and have been trying to learn a few new techniques with both my knitting and my quilting. All of which got me to remembering trying to learn new knitting with Dad sitting in his chair "watching TV." You guessed it! This did not work!! Dad would wait until I was counting stitches, or lines on the graph, then he would add numbers in. Or he would wait until I was in the middle of something and ask me a question or if I would go get something. Either would break the concentration meaning I would need to start over. I did quickly learn something -- wait until Dad was ANY where else before I started something new!! Like I have said.... you either start laughing or screaming. I prefer laughing! There has been a lot of talk, lately, about memories and sharing them. Recently I was part of a conversation about Christmas pageants and the funny stories we all have to go with them. Several of us had happy, and funny, stories to share. We had sung "We Three Kings," during the worship service, which is what had brought on the memories.
The two I thought of went with the hymn and both involved my Dad. He was one of the "kings" in each pageant. The first one he moved down the aisle with an interesting gait making a person wonder what was in the package he was carrying. He was having a good time and so were the kids watching him. The second time was a part of a service I had where the "kings" were supposed to interrupt the worship service. There was a script each was allowed to vary as they would like but they were supposed to come back to the script so I knew where we were. Dad, of course, ignored this while grinning at me (where no one else could see) the whole time. In both cases we got through it but like I often say -- sometimes you have to laugh or you will start screaming! I don't know about you but this Christmas has brought back all kinds of memories - for the churches I serve, for my family and for me. The memories range from when (and how) services "used to be" to times for worship service. From the times weather has stopped the services to our favorite Christmas tradition. There was the time, about 12 years ago, when Dad and I couldn't even get out of the house let alone next door for worship OR into the Cities for the family Christmas. It has been fun talking about the memories.
I was also asked about favorite Christmas traditions. When I was small it was going to grandparents and seeing the whole family - cousins and everything. Now our favorite tradition is actually the day after Christmas. My sister, her daughter, granddaughter and I all work on quilts -- usually quilts for veterans. We are all in one place with someone cooking so we can quilt. The first time we did this was at my sister's house with Dad and her grandson playing chess while we quilted. Our other sister did the cooking and kept the coffee going. This year the "cooking" sister had to work, the grandson is old enough to take off on his own and we were at her daughter's house. The four of us quilting, however, were also remembering the other times we have done this, looking at the memories as they came up on Facebook and thinking about the first time. Special memories to make, to share and to remember........ This Advent season the churches I serve have been doing an interesting study on Jesus' family tree. I know a number of people who have been researching their family trees so this study has fit in VERY well. It has also been a way for us each of us to share some of the stories from our families as we prepare to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
One of the questions I was asked was when I would be putting up my Christmas tree. To which I replied "not until Christmas Eve Day." This is Advent , tree goes up Christmas Eve and comes down at Epiphany. Which is true until the last few Christmas seasons Dad was with me. After growing up with this timing Dad and I had quite a few "go arounds" because he suddenly wanted the tree up in the middle of December. To add insult to injury he couldn't help with putting up the tree, decorating it (or the house) AND he wanted a train set under the tree!! If I remember right we did compromise..... I let him have the tree up a week "early" and, yes, he did get the train set. Because sometimes, even when you compromise, you have to laugh or you will start screaming! We are, at least according to the calendar, to winter, holidays, Advent and preparing for Christmas. Where I live the weather is NOT giving us winter - thankfully - but even that is probably going to change. One of the interesting things happening as we come together for the holidays is the telling of the stories of previous family get togethers.
This can be an interesting, informative and difficult thing to do. It is also an important part of passing on the family history to the younger members of the family. The interesting part can be when one person starts telling a story and other people start correcting, or changing, the story. The informative part is when we explain how "things used to be" -- before cell phones and technology took over. The difficult part is the way they are sometimes painful memories -- either because of what happened or the person no longer there to share. It is still important for family to be able to come together and celebrate the crazy part of the family stories. For instance..... Thanksgiving brought back memories of the first Thanksgiving after my divorce. I was living in Texas, near my folks to help them with the foster kids they were working with, and I invited every person I knew or could find who would be "by themselves" for Thanksgiving dinner. They were to bring their kids too. Mom and I ended up putting tables end to end from the kitchen door to the patio door -- across the dining room and the living room. Mom and I sat by the kitchen and Dad sat with his back to the door - thankfully Texas in November is pretty nice temps (at least that year)! Mom did a lot of the cooking but everyone brought a dish to share also. The youngest was about 3 and Dad, the oldest, was in his late 60's by then. A good time was had by all! Something to think about............. Have you ever noticed how working on something can get you to thinking about other things. It happens a LOT when I am quilting -- usually prayers and listening for what God is saying to me. Sometimes, however, I get to thinking about where the fabric came from, what store (or adventure) I was at. Who was with me or what was happening..... This is easy to do when your hands can complete what you are working on without having to concentrate on what said hands are doing.
Quilting is my way of being with God, listening for what God is saying to me and praying for others. I will admit others are beginning to understand this. Dad did understand. He would try not to interrupt, unless he was giving me a "hard time" about something, so I could concentrate on what God was saying to me. He would also go to quilt stores with me. He would either sit in the car (depending on outside weather) or come into the store with me. In the store he would either sit and read or sit and "hold court." (Dad never met a stranger!) Either way Dad was always willing to stop at, or make a specific trip to, the quilt store. Other family members tend to (still!) tell me the store is closed for inventory. Yes, Dad loved to "help" me by adding in numbers, changing numbers or in any other way "bug" me - especially when I was knitting. I am, however, very thankful for his understanding of the need to s-t-o-p and listen for what God is saying to me. How are you doing with some way to listen for and feel God's presence? How are you at letting your person do the same? Something to think about......... Sometimes the being able to actually have a day OFF requires being AWAY from your desk, the schedule, and (maybe?) even the phone. I admit it is harder to be away from the phone these days! Except when technology doesn't seem to be working very well.......
There were several times Dad and I would take "off" on my day off. When the weather was co-operating we could go for short "day trips." We went to quite a few places. The furthest away was Lake Itasca - it is several hours away from where we were living at the time. Other trips were "only" a couple of hours away. We went to Pipestone and were at the museum in Pipestone and at the National Monument. Dad wasn't able to walk very far so he stayed in the building, probably talking to anyone who would answer him, (Dad never met a stranger.) while I walked the very well marked trail. It was fascinating to see, and learn, the history and realize this is available just a few miles from "modern" life. You couldn't see, or hear, any traffic. I only heard a few other people even! Thankfully I did have my phone with me so I could show Dad pictures of some of what I saw. We had lunch between the museum and the National Monument. We were back home by supper. It is one of the special memories I have of traveling with Dad. Caregivers, do you have a special memory of travel? Can you take a day trip? Where, near you, can you go? And we all think of Bob Hope swinging a golf club....... Or...we start thinking about our own special memories. Sometimes the memories are of special times with family. Sometimes they are of special time with our "person" we are now the Caregiver for. Sometimes we can share them with the people around us. Sometimes people just wonder what the "funny look," or the smile, is about.
Recently I have been sharing some of the memories of either trips with Dad or how I watched as Dad did "his" ministry. One special memory was of a toddler getting away from parents, crawling up the aisle at church and pulling on Dad's vestments. Dad didn't miss a beat. He kept right on with his sermon as he reached down and picked up the toddler. My thought, then and now, is how wonderful for kids to know they are loved and wanted. Of course there are also the other memories. Like of all the times I was ready to give Dad away. On several occasions I was ready to do "The Ransom of Red Chief" so someone else would take him! Like when he would start counting with "crazy" numbers while I was working on a knitting pattern and counting. Or when he would make some comment right in the middle of my sermon. He loved to try to "get me" in the middle of the sermon! The fun part is I could get him back!! I was blessed to be Dad's primary care giver for 12 years. We did ministry together for the 12 years. There were trips - by car, plane and cruise ship. There were Emmaus Walks to serve on Team together. There was a LOT of teasing - and getting to each other. Like I say.... Sometimes you have to laugh or you will start screaming! I have been talking, this week, with several people about our "reaction" when we get asked to do something, told to do something or we get the phone call we are NOT looking forward to. I was at a meeting, with my District Superintendent, about a possible student appointment in the Rio Grande River Valley. I was a student, in seminary, in Texas and I even promised to "work" on my Spanish. I got home from said meeting to see a light blinking on my answering machine (remember those?). I took my dog for a l-o-n-g walk.
Yup, it was my family calling to tell me Dad could no longer live by himself. I needed to move but NOT to the Rio Grande River Valley. (Every time I have to shovel snow I remind God I was asking for the Rio Grande River Valley NOT the Minnesota River Valley!!) So...... packing the boxes is the same, loading the truck is the same, location is NOT the same and the role of primary caregiver was a new one. Thankfully Dad slowly regained some of his strength and we were blessed with 12 years together. I can tell you, though, that like taking the dog for a walk we did NOT always work well together. He, frequently, came into my office stomping his cane and saying, in a loud clear voice, "I am the father you are the daughter!" We often went toe to toe - literally. But we also had great trips, wonderful discussions and were able to be in ministry together. So.... yes......have the reaction. Then LAUGH because it is a LOT easier (and better) than screaming!! |
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